He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
