If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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