I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
