great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize