if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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