I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
