For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
