I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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