Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
