First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
