This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
