I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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