if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
