I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
