This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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