It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they need to just BURY HIM!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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