id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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