He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
