He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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