Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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