No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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