So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
