I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
