my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
