I hate all girls vehemently.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
