I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
