If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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