Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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