if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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