i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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