3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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