Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
