I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i will never coherently bang her
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if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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