i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
