pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
