his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
