so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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