after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
That accounts for only three of the penises
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
