My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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