this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
