I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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