How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
