I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
