So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
