My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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