oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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