Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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