Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
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God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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