My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
