Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
