I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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