I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize