sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
