Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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