The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
