Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
