How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
